The Stay-at-Home Mom

About a few weeks ago my six year old and I were in the car having a conversation about what I do. I immediately assumed he meant what kind of job do I have. I guess he realized he had not been by mommy's office to wait on me to finish up a project or send a quick email after I picked him up from school or how I haven't closed my bedroom door in the evening after we get home to get some work caught up.

My kids see what my husband does for a living. He owns a business and when someone or something goes wrong, he has to go fix it. He's the boss. He’s had much more flexible time than I because he’s his own boss but there are still customers to satisfy. Needless to say, my husband works crazy hours.


I reminded my six year old that I was in school full time and staying at home to continue education and making his life much more easy at home. Words have to be chosen carefully when talking to a six year old. I had to say 'continuing college' because he believes that I completed college which I did and earned a bachelor's degree - years ago. I have been slowly having the conversation with him about how you can go to school and continue to learn. Learning is ongoing is what I always tell my kids.


So, that conversation brings me to my thoughts on staying at home versus working outside the home. There are trade offs to each. Some good, some bad. Either could be viewed differently depending on your home situation or your finances.

Time Factor

 

When I worked outside the home I was always in rush. And I mean, ALWAYS. I would hustle the kids out to school in the morning. I felt like every second counted. Every millisecond counted when thinking ahead to the traffic I would get ready to navigate through. Rush, rush. Hurry, hurry. Drink the juice, eat that food. Chew and swallow. Yes, I am guilty of asking them to rush the chewing and swallowing. I was so engulfed in my work that while I should have been talking to them in the car on the way to work and school, I was, instead, checking my email while driving (guilty, again) or sitting in my own silence planning out my day at work. I was a total grump during morning rides in the car. I usually growled at them in the car and suddenly - because I felt like I was supposed to – I’d tell them to have a great day at school when we arrived at their destination. I am sure they thought I was crazy. (I was.) It was a forceful goodbye but only because dropping them off interrupted my work thoughts. You see, I was at work before I ever arrived at the building.


My husband use to pick up my oldest because his school let out later. My youngest school age child went to an after-care program at his school. I worked around the corner from his school but always managed to either pick him up late or barely make it there in time. I would have good intentions on picking him up early but work always held me hostage. By being at home I have time to prepare better meals. We go to bed on time. Everyone is much more rested, me included. (Yes, LAWD!) I was never able to give the kids school work the attention it needed. I made decent money but not enough to pay a tutor and keep up our regular two parent income expenses. I'm so much more involved today.


Look at what my big head and I did together. It may be some ugly cake with flags to you but this was quality time spent together making a model of an animal cell.

When I worked, we use to eat out often. I would call in a to-go order from some restaurant and make sure I had the kids a decent vegetable as one of their sides so I could brush away the guilt of not preparing them a wholesome meal. And forget going on field trips with them or getting by the school to at least have lunch. I was far too busy to do such things. Now, I can do those things without a conscious. I live in a less time-sensitive existence.

Money (Isn't that what we all think it comes down to?)

With my husband and I working, our income was nice. We could afford to eat out, go to a movie, buy things off aisle caps in the stores - the aisle caps still get me. At my last job, my salary was the highest it had been in my working career.  It was good pay but I definitely worked for it. Because my time was limited, I was always spending money. But, it was not much of a worry. At least at the time I didn’t think so. If the kids needed something at school, I'd just go to the bank and get the money to pay for it. Never mind that I realized the “said” need at the last minute or that I could have budgeted better and paid for said need in advance. Let me be the one to tell you that the "Last Minute" mentality is expensive. Many people have it but don't recognize it because they have the money to spend on it or they think they have the money to spend on it.


Gone are the days that we just frivolously spent money. I thought I was budgeting before but now the budget is super tight and I try not to deviate from it. I cook just about every day. This has given a chunk of our family time back to us. Guess what? We, now, talk to eat other - go figure! These kids use to talk to me before (except in the mornings - see paragraph #4) but now it’s on another level.  We may eat out twice a week which consists of a fast food meal (weekday) and a sit down meal at a family eating establishment (Saturdays). This has given us more family time.


We plan dental visits around a budget. No longer are we just scheduling appointments on a whim. We make extreme calculated moves. We plan the kids’ activities around our budget. We are thinking so far ahead to how we will get new floors, make home repairs and even how and when we plan to buy a new house. Sure, I miss the extra money. I miss Starbucks frappes'. I miss quick weekend shopping sprees. I miss spur of the moment weekend activities. But I love my sanity.


When I first became a stay-at-home mom people used to make comments like, "Wish I could do that" or "Must be nice." It used to make me feel uneasy. I never knew how to respond. It sometimes made me feel guilty for my fortunate situation. On Monday one of my friends asked me how was the home life.  My reply, "It is pretty darn good." I have to own this stay-at-home status. Even with all the missed caveats of a career on hiatus, it is pretty darn good. Whatever the next phase in life brings me, I'll have to own that, too.


While, I know I am painting a picture of how it is best to stay at home, please note that is not always my true opinion. It just happens to be my circumstance at this time in my life. I know at some point I must go back to work. Whether that be away from the home is up in the air for now. I know that when I did work, I ROCKED! I also know when I worked, I STRUGGLED. Every time I won, I lost. I was never fully on top and nor was I fully on the bottom. I still have days where I crave the praise of a job well done but for now I'll settle for getting the kids to practice on time.